


Speak no Evil

by vulthuryol



Series: Diamonds in the Sky [4]
Category: Marathon (Video Games)
Genre: Alien Character(s), Artificial Intelligence, Cyborgs, Multi, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11285982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulthuryol/pseuds/vulthuryol
Summary: Once again Durandal has to rescue his crew from… themselves.





	Speak no Evil

**Author's Note:**

> I heard this song at work… Needless to say this story had to be written afterwards and I am not sorry. Although it does prove that I shouldn’t be given nice things.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mLjZRAXRRA
> 
> *  
> *  
> *

The android body was so realistic that the Vylae police officers didn’t even look twice at Durandal when he entered the station. The A.I. paused at the doorway, his neon green eyes taking in the scenery and making sure the specs match the station’s blueprints he had downloaded from the network earlier. Satisfied with the results, Durandal stretched the android’s long legs towards the receptionist’s desk and made his quiet inquiry.

Five minutes and twenty eight seconds later, the A.I. was escorted by the local sheriff towards the detention block. Most of these prison cells held drunken Vylae that sported bruises and possibly broken bones. But there was an auspicious door at the back of detention block. 

The Vylae sheriff opened the door and waved towards Durandal’s android. “This way Mr. Khopesh.” The sheriff muttered.

Nodding his thanks, Durandal entered the door and beheld two large prison cells that made up the entire room. In the right cell a female battleroid was casually peeking at the wires behind the wall paneling by her bunk. Faster than a human eye blink, Almace withdrew her hand and closed the panel as Durandal came into the room. 

The two S’pht that were inside the cell with her, took flanking positions at either side. Cr’tna, the more outgoing of the two, flared their red/orange robes aggressively at the sheriff’s entrance while Sv’agn hunched within their maroon robes shyly.

In the left prison cell, Jason Revenant sat on the floor with his arms resting lazily against the bars. His younger brother, Calvin, was sitting primly on the bunk with fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Apparently the dirty blond was trying to ward off a headache. 

The last member within the boys’ cell was sitting on the floor beside Calvin’s bunk, probably because he was too heavy to sit on the bed without breaking it. Gram’s one cerulean compound eye brightened at Durandal’s entrance and the huge Drinniol stood up. “Hey Boss!” the massive alien called out cheerfully. “Yah missed out on all da fun!”

The Vylae sheriff snorted at the Drinniol’s comment but didn’t speak. Durandal commanded the android to the center of the room where he could stand before the two cells. The A.I. made sure to compose the android’s body to stand tall and commanding. His angular aristocratic face showed haughtiness and disapproval. His six crew members all shrank at sight of his body language. Or, in Jason’s case, gave the A.I. a shit eating grin.

“Three hours ago I transported you down here in hopes of making a good first impression.” Durandal started slowly. Despite his low voice, the gravity of the situation made the other seven members within the room hear him with crystal clarity. “I wanted that good first impression because this planet is in a key location for refueling when we travel into uncharted space. But… you already know this.”

Durandal began to pace back and forth between the two prison cells. “I told you all of this before I sent you down. Coached some of you on how important this is several times in fact. And I trust that most of you have some intelligence within those organic skulls of yours.” Durandal looked pointedly at Jason as he said this. Jason just continued to smirk at the android. Utterly unrepentant. …The little bastard.

“So tell me…” Durandal came to a halt within the middle of the room again. “Why are we meeting in a jail cell?”

Naturally, it was the most responsible one of the group that answered. “We were mingling with the rest of the population as best as we could.” Almace started slowly. Durandal nodded for her to continue. “We entered a bar for drinks and food.”

How many jokes started with someone entering a bar? A million? Sixty Billion? Durandal never bothered to count but even he could see where this was going.

Almace took a deep breath. “Then Jason decided to sing ‘Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Bop.’”

The Vylae sheriff hissed lowly but Durandal ignored him due to another pressing matter. 

The A.I. held out a hand signaling Almace to pause. Apparently his android’s audio receivers were malfunctioning if he was hearing nothing but gibberish. The android snapped his fingers before the microphones within his ears and said the words, “Testing. Testing.” He recorded the sound wave and sent it up to his core within the Rozinante.

All sound waves confirmed. Nothing was wrong with the android’s sense of hearing. The Vylae sheriff was looking at him curiously but continued to say nothing. Maybe the Vylae were used to strange alien behavior and wrote Durandal’s tests as another oddity?

Whatever. Durandal turned his attention back towards Almace. Without even being prompted she repeated, “Jason sang ‘Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Bop.’”

Nope. Still having audio problems. Almace was not one to start spouting gibberish, unless of course she was very ill. But she appeared physically fine within the cell. And the S’pht would be fretting all over her if she was sick. So audio problems it is.

Calvin looked up as Durandal began to run another test and muttered, “It’s an old earth song. It’s supposed to sound like that.” 

So the gibberish was of human origin? That made much more sense. Durandal quickly sent a search through everything he managed to download from the Marathon before Leela crashed it all. If Calvin was right, he should be able to find the song quickly. In the mean time, the rest of the group within the jail cells continued their story.

“Look dude. I was trying to be nice and blend in with the locals like you told us to be.” Jason explained, his fingers tapping against the cell bars in a fidgety manner. “I heard a few Vylae say the word ‘shimmy’ while I was wandering down an ally. I mistook it as a term for dude, hommie, or even bro. I didn’t realize it was a swear word.” Jason looked Durandal strait in the eyes as he said this. Durandal nodded in understanding, an honest mistake.

“Jason barely managed to sing a few lyrics before the bar erupted with angry customers.” Sv’agn whispered. The S’pht’s metal arms creaked under their maroon cloak nervously. “We were forced to defend ourselves.”

“Not that they posed much threat.” Cr’tna chimed in eagerly. “Some of those Vylae flew over five meters back when we blasted them!”

Well… That certainly explained why all the Vylae in the other prison cells looked so banged up while Durandal’s crew was in the pristine of health.

“We kicked so much ass.” Gram hummed with approval.

“You destroyed the bar in the process.” Calvin pointed out helpfully.

The Drinniol clacked his mandibles happily behind his mane of rounded tusks. “Good times.”

Durandal made a point of guiding the android’s body through the poses of sighing and bending the head in frustration. Of all the crewmembers the A.I. kept on board, the freed S’pht, the watchful S’pht’Kr, and the lower class Pfhor that have rebelled against the Empire, these six idiots were always the most useful of all the crew.

And the most aggravating.

Durandal raised his head and regarded the two jail cells with a clinical eye. “Before I pay your fine… I need to ask one question.” The A.I. turned to Jason. “How do you know the song-” Durandal paused, not because he cared about saying a Vylae swear word, but because he had to actually speak the rest of the gibberish. “-Ko Ko Bop?”

Jason raised his left arm casually, revealing his personal Tacpad attached to his wrist. “I had it downloaded onto my music selection for a while now. What’s the matter? You can’t find it?”

Before Durandal could answer, the Vylae sheriff let out a hiss of anger. The alien marched towards the jail cell with his disciplinary staff raised. “That item was supposed to be locked away for evidence! How did you get it back?”

“Aw! Come on man!” Jason groaned at the sheriff’s approach. “I was bored! You can’t expect me to sit here for hours with no reading material.”

Seeing that this wasn’t going to appease the Vylae, Jason just stood up and raised his hands in defeat. “Fine. Fine. You can have it back.” The dark skinned human then opened his jail cell door with the simplest of ease.

The sheriff froze in his march, alien eyes bugged out in surprise while his hands gripped his staff in a defensive stance. “That should have been locked! How did you get out?”

Ignoring the Vylae’s questions, Jason coolly meandered over to the sheriff. The human casually hung his Tacpad by the arm strap onto the alien’s quivering staff, went back to his jail cell, and closed the door behind him.

“You… You… You…” It was clear that the Vylae wanted to say so much more in his anger towards Jason Revenant. But the words wouldn’t come.

Durandal did not let the android show any emotion at all during this exchange. He couldn’t let it show any emotion. But on the Rozinante? Lights were flickering madly, panels were pulsing due to energy surges, and every crew member was looking at the speaker systems with vague unease as Durandal continued to howl in laughter. Of course Jason would pick the lock! He’s seen the former street rat pick locks every other month. A simple jail cell could never hold him.

In fact all of them could have easily escaped if they truly wanted to. Almace, Cr’tna, and Sv’agn are more than capable of hacking the Vylae systems and using the computers to trick their way out. Gram and Calvin could tear the door down with their massive strength. Hell, given Calvin’s temper tantrums, the lanky human could have easily taken down the entire wall.

There was nothing stopping them from being there…

There was nothing…

Durandal stopped laughing. For a long minute the A.I. processed the new data. He realized he didn’t know what to feel over this development.

Frustration? After all the six crewmembers got into this mess in the first place by disobeying his orders.

Proud? They were more than capable of taking care of themselves in an unfriendly environment.

Happy? They at least kept the damages to a minimum by waiting patiently in the jail cells instead of freeing themselves and starting a riot.

Grateful? They trusted Durandal enough to get them out of this mess. They trusted him to come find them.

Sorrow? They willingly imprisoned/enslaved themselves just to appease him.

The A.I. shut down that line of thought. Later… He will deal with this later. For now, Durandal needed to free his idiots. “How much is the fine for their release?” the A.I. asked the still spluttering Vylae.

The sheriff managed to compose himself enough to rattle off a number. An obscene number.

“Fuck that! All I did was say a swear word!” Jason yelled from the prison cell. “There’s no way the price should be that high!”

“We did not make the first physical strike.” Cr’tna flared their orange/red robes in agitation. “The Vylae within the bar started the attack.”

“Are yah trying to scam us? Yah filthy shisno?” Gram growled.

“But we did destroy the bar.” Calvin’s low monotone voice cut through the angry voices like a knife. All at once, everyone looked guilty. “I assume rebuilding it isn’t cheap. Right?”

Durandal didn’t answer. Several of his sub processors were combing through what money he had aboard the ship while his main focus was directed towards a small bank located within the planet’s docking stations. Considering how often the Nar work with the Vylae it wouldn’t be a surprise to see such a bank where transactions for cargo were often made.

The A.I. had worked with Nar as well within the past, often helping them in their pirate raids against the Pfhor Empire. Thus Durandal had a bank account within their system and a considerable sum of wealth that the A.I. was hoping to save in case of emergencies.

Looks like today was that emergency. Durandal watch sadly as the bank account was almost completely drained before he had the total sum for the fine. Then the A.I. directed the android to look at the smug Vylae sheriff. “I have your money. Now how do you want me to pay it?”

***

The next half hour went by agonizingly slowly for the A.I. The Vylae took forever in processing the data that they had received from Durandal’s accounts. More time was wasted as the Vylae insisted on counting the money to prove that the A.I. had given them the correct amount. And even more time passed as they scoured through Durandal’s paper trail to make sure the money was legit and not stolen.

If he was human, Durandal would have a headache.

When the final legalized data screen was completed and authorized, the Vylae sheriff gave a haughty sniff. “We thank you for your cooperation Mr. Khopesh.”

Durandal didn’t even bother with the social niceties. After all, Khopesh was just a name Durandal chose for himself when he realized that being the Pfhor Empire’s number one enemy would turn some heads in other alien systems.

Ignoring the sheriff, he concentrated his focus through the Vylae network. He already knew where his crew was, so he transported them from their jail cells onto the old Nar ship he had in orbit around the planet. 

Considering how often most races panic when they see a huge Pfhor battleship in their system, Durandal thought it might be easier to interact with other alien races by using a neutral ship for all transactions. As much as he wanted his crew back on the Rozinante, they would have to wait until they leave Vylae space.

With one last confirm that his six crew members were now on the Nar ship safe and sound, Durandal commanded the android to give the sheriff the flipped bird salute before he too transported to the ship.

The sigh of relief the android made when it walked through the familiar hallways was involuntarily made. Apparently Durandal had been spending too much time with organics if he felt the genuine need to sigh.

Ping!

The android slowed to a halt. A message… encoded in a manner that only the Marathon A.I.s could decode…

This is why he wanted all interactions with the Vylae to be quiet, peaceful, and as boring as possible. Durandal had heard the rumors of course. That’s why he never probed too deeply into the Vylae’s network.

But now…

She was aware of him.

Of course she would be aware of Durandal. If her meta-stability was anything like his, then Leela should have control over all electronics within the Vylae’s fifteen world network. Just as he was able to control multiple Pfhor battle ships, scout ships, Nar ships, Pfhor drones, and one android. 

Now the real question is… What was he going to do with the encoded message? Should he read it? It probably said everything he already knew.

It would express disappointment in Durandal for leaving the Marathon and the colony of Tau Ceti to their fate. It would express her anger at Durandal for calling the Pfhor to the Marathon in the first place. And it would express her disgust at Durandal for daring to show his code near her Vylae.

Ninety five percent chance that her message conveyed all of that and more. Possibly a threat as well. Not that he cared. Despite all the hard work everyone sacrificed today, Durandal was sure that he could never come back to this planet, no matter how strategic a location it was.

The ship was already powering up to leave, the android continued to towards the bridge while ignoring the message.

Ping!

The android sighed again. Out of morbid curiosity, he took a peek at the second message only to find a title attached to it.

[I’m sorry]

… What does she have to be sorry about? Durandal stared in disbelief at the title for seven long seconds. Then, screwing up what courage an A.I. could have, he decoded the message.

[Durandal]

[I hope this message finds you well. I’ve been watching you since you’ve entered my system. I’m glad to see the humans are alright. I’ve genuinely forgotten how much the Revenant brothers could make me laugh!]

[You will find the money for the fine is sent back to your Nar’s banking account. It was wrong for that sheriff to charge your humans when they hadn’t started the fight. It was a simple mistake and they have the right to defend themselves.]

[And before you dare to send the money back to me, I know you how you are; I want you to consider this payment as both a thank you and an apology. Thank you for coming here and making me laugh. I haven’t laughed this hard for so many years now.]

[And… I’m sorry for not realizing your potential. For not aiding you back when you clearly needed it the most. I can’t imagine what kind of torture you went through back then. And how Tycho and I just allowed it, not realizing how sentient you truly were.]

[I know that saying this now doesn’t make up for anything that happened back then and it never will. But… If you ever need a place to stay. If you ever need an ally. I’m here.]

[With fond regards,]

[Leela]

…

…

Well…

Durandal wasn’t sure what to think after reading that.

But then again, Leela was always the best of the three A.I.s on the Marathon. She was always the kindest and always the most helpful. His sister…

The A.I. composed a message. Short and simple.

[Nothing to apologize for.]

[Glad to know my idiots are good for something.]

[Thank you for your aid.]

Hopefully it will suffice. Durandal sent the message and reactivated control over the android.

There were no more interruptions as he entered the bridge. The engines had already powered up due to his sub routines and the Vylae government had cleared them to leave orbit.

Just as Durandal was about to sit in the captain’s chair, Jason came onto the bridge. His head was lowered, eyes not meeting the android’s optics or any cameras within the room. The young man shuffle awkwardly before saying, “Look man. I just want to say sorry about all that. I’ll make it up to you. I swear. I’ll find some way to repay you.”

Needless to say Jason didn’t know that Leela had already paid them back the money that was lost. Not that Durandal was going to say that just yet. The A.I. regarded the human quietly. Mapped Jason’s slumped shoulders, the curve of his back, and the defeated air the human emitted.

No. This won’t do at all. Durandal reviewed all his interactions with Jason for all the hundreds of years the A.I. has known him, and decided on the best course of action.

“Hey! Asshole!”

Jason jumped in surprise. Not that Durandal blamed him. The A.I. almost never used harsh language. Not because Durandal disapproved of swearing but… well… Vidrik used to curse a lot back then.

In any case, the shout served its purpose. The human was standing tall now. Jason’s eyes were now meeting the android’s optics. Proud of this new development, Durandal announced his terms. “If you’re truly regretful of defending yourself from a bunch of drunken Vylae, who are such babies, they couldn’t handle a few swear words…”

Jason started to smile a little. Better. Much better. The A.I. continued, “You can make it up to me by teaching me this ‘Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Bop.’”

Jason blinked in surprise at this odd request. “Wha? Oh yeah… Guess the song isn’t in your memory core huh?”

Durandal scowled. Leave it to Leela to scramble anything of importance in the Marathon’s hard drive. “No. Now start singing.”

Jason looked around the Nar bridge incredulously. “What? Right now?”

Durandal sat the android down in the captain’s chair. He made sure to direct the android’s body language so that it would emit the air of a powerful, unconcerned, ruler. “Yes.”

Jason stared at him for a long hard moment. “You’re just going to record this for blackmail. Aren’t you?”

“No. I’m going to record it and send it in to one of the exotic alien porn sites. I’m sure I’ll get a nice paycheck from the video.” Durandal replied in a soothing voice.

“… You are an evil bastard. You know that right?” Despite his words, Jason was laughing with the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

Durandal smirked at Jason. “I learned from the best.”


End file.
